2026-03-07

sapphire pi and the runner's hi part 3: reaper standoff

Steady streams of silver sand rained down from a crack in the sky onto the Reaper Pavillion. The nine pavillion pillars were made of polished, metallic stone, which sparkled like meteorite. It had no roof, only a boundary circle above. The grainy pile of congealed time within had already reached half the height of the pillars, and a counter suspended above the pile read:

On each pillar was a button, slight border radius with centered text, with the word REAP carved in #007FFF Garamond.

Next to two (almost) opposing pillars stood two robed figures. Killing intent suffused the air.

DeathSlayer4444 (DS) brandished his staff menacingly, and said:
“I’ll never surrender! Not in 10,000 rebirths! This Time will be for the Deathless Sect!”

PythonGut (PG) stood with his arms crossed, wearing a Python 3.11 across his shoulders. Its head swayed and hissed at the Death Slayer. “I think not. I need this Time so I can make some better styles for the Blogs pages.

They’re quite bad these days you know. Ever since they changed that html layout, no one has ever surpassed Libre.”

DS: “Then you leave me no choice. Staff of Suffering Reduction!”

DeathSlayer thumped his staff on the ground, and a darkness emanated from the point of contact, engulfing PythonGut.

At the same time:

PG: “* { background: black !important; } #deathSlayer4444 { position: absolute !important; margin-left: -6666666em !important; }”

DeathSlayer watched the sky turn off, and he felt himself thrust with a cascading force to the left, crashing into a tree.

PG: “hahaha! This Time will be mine to re-”
He paused, looking a bit confused. Then, slightly cheerful. Then, he sported a toothy grin.

“Hey the weather today is pretty good. There’s a nice breeze, it feels quite pleasant. And the scent of nature, it’s very refreshing. I haven’t felt this good in a long time.

You know the last few years have been pretty rough. Actually, the last 10 years. Back in the day I remember I had fun making some CSS styles for my friends on some forums. From the outside it sounds kinda stupid right, like, this is a very specific hobby of little economic or altruistic value, and no one really cares that much about how your blog or their blog looks, why did I spend so much time doing that, like I wasn’t even writing any substantial posts. One time I remember something posted on their blog: ‘just because a blog have a cool style does not mean it’s worth reading’, and I thought they must be talking about me. But I got a kick out of it, so I guess it was valuable to me.

But then all sorts of crazy stuff happened. I had to go to Education III, then Education IV, and every step of the way I felt increasingly de-ensouled, and pretty soon everything in life had the same dull glow of necessity. Nothing I did was for fun, nothing I did was for me. And when I did try to go find things to do for fun, everytime, I kept finding myself picking “useful” things and telling myself, this is what I think is fun. I did not think they were fun. What I really want to do is lay in the grass while its windy in the autumn. To go find my friends run outside in the fields, and pretend we are Harry Potter characters. Why did we stop doing those useless things?

Anyway. I feel pretty good now suddenly. The colors are colorful, the sounds are crisp. The weight of life weighted heavily on my shoulders every day, and today it is lifted.

I think I’m gonna go for a walk. Maybe hum a song, like -
Ring ring ring ring ring ring ring ring - banana phone ~ "

Python Gut walked the forest. The breeze really was quite nice. He heard the chirping of the birds, and it was the same chirping he heard as a child, but now he could appreciate it because he knew what it was like to live a life where the birds chirped and you did not hear them.

And so, PythonGut’s suffering was reduced by an order of magnitude.

—

DeathSlayer got up to his feet. “Ha! I have the last laugh.” He ran up to the Reaper button nearest him, and raised his hand for the grand slam.

“Bang!”

This song starts playing in the background:

(Link in case it doesn’t appear)

DeathSlayer’s hand froze, along with the rest of his body, including his face - with the expression of recognition and shock. He could not move anything but his eyes. His mouth was shaped to form that legendary and feared name:

GlockshajK, the fastest gun in the west.

Glockshaj lowered his gun, which had no bullets nor a place to hold them. The inscribed silver letters

GLOBAL INTERPRETER LOCK

briefly glinted in the sun.

His steps not making a sound, Glockshaj float-walked to the Reaper Pavillion edge, and placed his hand gently on the Reap button, pressing it just the right amount for a metallic “click” to be heard, indicating actuation. The congealed Time within filled and compressed itself into a small bottle. Glockshaj picked it up and stored it on his belt.

He walked away, firing an undo shot at DeathSlayer without looking back. The lock was released and DeathSlayer unfroze.